Okay, I've done something way out of character.
I bought one of those little 50cc motor scooters you sometimes see around in urban areas. Used my landscaping trailer to haul it home to suburbia.
Only limited riding so far, about 50 miles worth. I plan is to keep it confined to roads with 25 or 35 mile per hour speed limits. So far so good.
It's amazing how many alternate routes I'm finding by trying to limit myself to side streets. But I'm also noticing few shopping centers or businesses around here have spaces where I can legally park this thing and secure it to something with a chain lock.
Update: For those expressing concern that I'm not wearing a helmet, I only took it off for the photo. If you look, you can see I'm holding it with my right hand.